Winter vacations
Last week my boyfriend and his child came to visit. This was also my first time meeting his kid. Before they came I was... nervous. I'm a very introvert person and meeting new people is always a really big deal to me. Even if we are talking about a young kid. It's not like I really care about what an 8 years old kid might think of me but, of course, I didn't wanted him to have a bad impression of me. I'm his father's partner after all and we will continue to see each other from now on, so we better had a good start, right?
Luckily everything went alright. The kid was lovely and polite and had a good time here. He and his dad spent the week at my house, which is in a different city and region from where the kid lives. We were worried he might be uncomfortable or homesick since this was (I think) his first time traveling for a long period of time without his mom. But he was alright. He spent the time studying (his dad made him), playing videogames (no more than 3 hours) and exploring the city if the weather was nice. He played a lot of Mario Kart on the Wii U. Like, a lot…
I can say we spend the week as a family. Sort of... I know the kid doesn't see me as a parental figure, and is not like I want that. He also didn't use the term uncle or something similar with me (is considerate polite for kids to call adults uncle or auntie here), he just called me by my name. But I know it wasn't because he disrespected me. It was just natural for him and also for me. The week with him was enough for me to think how much I don't want to have kids. Don't get me wrong. I don't hate him or anything. I loved the kid and I wish he can come again at some point, maybe in the summer. What I want to say is, having a kid is a responsibility and I know I'm not ready for it nor I will.
I guess I'm fine with being the "fun uncle" or something similar to him. I'm even fine with the idea of living the three of us as a family in case something happens/he decides to live with his father. I just don't want to have a kid on my own. Is too much responsibility and I know I can't handle it.
Oh, and the kids personality. He is clearly an extrovert while I'm not so, even if I loved to spend time with him, I always ended completely drained. Just like when I spend way too much time with my extrovert friends. I’m the type of person who really needs some time completely alone in order to “charge”. Like secluding myself in the bedroom or just stay completely alone in a different room without anyone. Again, nothing against the kid. That's just how I am with, well, any extrovert person. So of course at some point I was at the edge of a meltdown just because I was overwhelmed. Again, this also happens when I spent too much hours socializing with any other people. And kids, specially this one, looooooved to socialize. To talk, to play, to walk outside, to show me things, etc. And of course I engaged with him. Because I wanted to and because, well, why I wouldn't? I loved to spent time with him. But it drained me a lot...
So what did I learned from this experience? I was nervous for nothing, the kid was very nice and lovely. But I really need to work in my social skills to not drain myself.
"Then how do you manage to spend time with your partner if you get overwhelmed so easily?" Simple. He knows. So he always let me have some time alone without engaging in any type of communication so I can rest.
I'm totally neurotypical and normal I swear /j